I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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