Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
