paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
