Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
