We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize