you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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