I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
