guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize