If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize