Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
