Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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