Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
