Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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