Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
