I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
