So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
