STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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