dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize