Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
