I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
