She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
