I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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