First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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