Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
