Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
