im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
