You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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