i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
