When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
