The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
