Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
