Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
