At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
