Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
