My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize