Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
