My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
