its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
