My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
