The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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