Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
