you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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