you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
