After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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