I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is Oprah even human
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
