Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
