Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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