Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
