Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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