im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
