Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if only i could text you this smell
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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