I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
