my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
