i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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