for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
