tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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