batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
