If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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