THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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