it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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