well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize