I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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