So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
