He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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