In the future we'll all be gay
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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