Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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