dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
