dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
